I was attacked at Costco today by Baron Von Raschke.
For those of you who don't know who he is, Google him. I may or may not have been a huge wrestling fan in my childhood, this being solidified by actually meeting him at the Galleria in Edina when I was about eight.
Why you ask was I attacked? Let me explain. Keira and I decided that we needed a few important things from Costco and with the weather finally thawing out I thought what a great day to run some errands! So off we went, knowing nothing of what was about to happen to me.
We love going to Costco because they have great samples and we often end up eating lunch there, I eat the strawberries-she eats the blue. I drink the broth-she eats the veggies. I drink the milk-she eats the cereal...you get the idea. We were having so much fun pointing at everything and naming it (Her new game, tiny index finger pointing into the sky-"uh uh uh"-as if saying what's this?) Kite, Beans, Ugly Easter Dresses, Giant Coffee Can, More Godiva Chocolate Than a Human Could Ever Consume etc. She was so into the game today that when she started pointing at her face I pulled my cart over and we were naming eyes, nose, mouth. Then she pointing at my face, how sweet right? NO while pointing at my face I leaned in closely so she could touch my nose and I could appropriately name it. Little did I know that an 11 month old could have talons longer than a Bald Eagle....literally. Her thumb nail found its way into my right nostril and gouged. Not like, "ouch honey let go" but "if you were a grown woman we would be boxing right now."
This girl took hold and tore my nose off. My eyes started watering and my nose started running, or so I thought. Pulling out one of the many napkins from our plethora of samples I reached up and wiped my nose only to see the napkin full of blood, FULL of blood. I quickly ushered our cart over to a secluded corner where I could nearly pass out. After giving birth to my daughter I though I could handle a bloody nose, but I can't. I can't even handle a finger prick.
The thoughts running through my mind were nuts! "I am going to pass out and they are going to take me away in an ambulance. Then what will they do with Keira? They will take her to child protective services, they are going to think I have been doing drugs...my eyes are watering, my nose is bleeding, can I lay down right here on the floor? No, must remain calm..don't they sell beds here? I can just pretend...." You get the idea. It was very lucky that we had eaten about fifteen samples today because my nose bleed took every last napkin I had stored in our cart.
I dug into my purse looking for my compact so I could survey the damage, forgetting that I don't have enough money to keep two compacts anymore. I only have my one in my makeup bag at home. I tried to look in my sunglasses to see if I was all cleaned up so we could check out and go home. Nope, too dark, I couldn't see my reflection. Then I found my cell phone. There I was, standing in the corner of Costco taking pictures of my bloodied face. Here would be a great place to post the pictures I took but no, I will not do that to any of you. It looked like I was in a fight, blood was dried around the whole circumference of my nostril and down to my lip...this after I thougt I had cleaned it up! I pulled out a wet wipe from the diaper bag and wiped my nse and mouth...Did you know that they have alcohol in them? If it feels this way on a cut nose I can not imagine what it feels like on diaper rash. (mental note)
Felling VERY proud of myself for not passing out, Keira and I checked out and went home.
I must have been a little more stunned than originally thought because this is what we came home with. Can you get concussions form nose rips? Could this possibly explain why I came home with such odd merchandise?
