1. I feel fat, ever since I stopped nursing Keira my body has decided to store an extra eight pounds. I like to pretend it is eight pounds of stored milk but it just isn't.
2. I tried to work out but can't. Yesterday when Keira was pretending to be a "Scary Bear" at the park I slowly ran away. I wasn't even running...I was more walking fast or bounding joyously away from the growling "Scary Bear". I had to stop because it was hurting my cellulite. If running, or in my case walking fast, hurts cellulite where does one start to exercise?
3. I am tired. Apparently at 15 months Keira decided to assert herself and show us that she means business. This means tantrums, and the tapering off of naps. I can't decide who needs these naps more, me or her.
4. I am anxious. I am going back to work in the fall and can't stop thinking about it. When most teachers are counting down the last week of school with excitement I was counting my districts
days with dread. Everyday closer to the end of school meant summer was here, which meant fall was approaching, which meant school was just around the corner. When your 68-week maternity leave is coming to an end one might have some confusing feelings...no?
5. I feel guilty. I feel guilty about EVERYTHING. I feel guilty about going back to work. I feel guilty about putting my daughter in daycare. I feel guilty not contributing to the family's finances. I feel guilty that my daughter doesn't interact with more children her age. I feel guilty that I stopped nursing when I could have kept going. I feel guilty that I don't think I will nurse my second child as long. I feel guilty that I am sitting inside on a gorgeous day. I feel guilty that I don't want to go out because I hate the tantrum sunscreen causes. I feel guilty, I feel guilty I feel guilty.
5. I am stir crazy. My house is messy and dirty (two VERY different things) and I don't want
to pick up or clean at all. I look around and don't know where to start. I then get mad that my husband's dirty socks are scattered (in what seems like) every room of the house. When I tell him this, he then walks into each room of the house proceeding to pick up (no less than) one half full or empty (optimist or pessimist?) can of Diet Coke and showing me my mess around the house. Apparently when it is your mess you don't see it.And now I am done. I feel much better and will now take a rest from all this hard work.
