Life with Kim: 11/4/12

One of my biggest worries when I was pregnant with James was how I could possibly ever love another child like I love Keira. I was reassured over and over again by many people who had two or more children that it is, in fact, very possible.

I tried very hard to believe them and spent many sleepless nights thinking and praying about how I would love this child.

My cousin Kelly believes one reason I felt this way is because we didn't find out the gender of our baby and I, most likely had a hard time bonding with him/her-I just think she was trying to convince me to find out the sex. She always thinks I am crazy not to. (I won't find out with my next one either Kelly!!)

Boy or Girl?

I am going to be TOTALLY honest here and admit I was very afraid that I might have a boy. Not only could I never love a second child, but if it were a boy there was definitely no way I could love him like my sweet Keki.
Again I turned to Kelly, mother of two boys, and confessed my fears. There was no way I was going to tell anyone else in the world my fears. (But now I will tell the blogosphere)

Here is what she told me;
1. They aren't born at 3 years old throwing dirt, shooting guns and kicking holes in walls.
2. Boys love their moms no matter what...girls like their moms a lot but boys love their moms. Always.
3. She also told me that I would have REALLY cute boys.

Daddy's two favorite girls-or is it three?

This helped me a bit but I was still a little uneasy. Adding to my fears was the fact that I felt a ton of pressure to give Keira a sister. Sisters are the most amazing relationship that God has ever created. Where would I be today without my sisters? And here is where I went to my husband. Matt reassured me by telling me this;

1. You only have sisters so that is all you know.
2. A brother/sister relationship is also amazing, possibly more amazing than a sister/sister relationship.
3. If there is another girl in this house, I am going to leave.
-I want to point out that #3 came after he found both Keira and I on the floor in her room crying. Keira, because she didn't want to get dressed. Kim, because Keira wouldn't get dressed.

Fast forward a few months. After another rather difficult pregnancy the doctors decided I would be induced again at 37 weeks. January 14th. The weeks leading up to January 14th were nerve-racking, exhausting, itchy, uncomfortable, and sometimes downright scary.

After the easiest labor and delivery in the history of the world, we welcomed James Thomas into our little family.

I can not begin to explain to you how amazing James is. I can not begin to tell you how much of a blessing sweet sweet little James has been. I can not begin to tell you how amazing the brother/sister relationship is. I cry just thinking about how I could ever doubt my love for my little boy.

My son

I have a son

I am part of the most exclusive club there is...the "Mommy of Boys club!' I am a proud member and I am ready to speak at club meetings. I am ready to tour the world and try to explain how amazing it is to be a mother of a little boy. Better yet, how amazing it is to be a mother of two. Or even better than that, how amazing it is to be a mother.

"I love my brodder shoooo much"

I eat my words every day when my little Keki tells me we can't leave with out "my brodder James".
Or when she refuses to let me leave him inside the house while I put her in the car, because we might forget him.
Or when she tells me that "James make my heart sooooooo happy."

I eat my words every day when Matt is holding James and I sneak a quick peek at him and whisper hello to my new man and he responds with a giant toothless grin. Six weeks old and he can recognize and love me. SIX WEEKS!
He trusts me and loves me unconditionally, and to think I thought there was a possibility that I couldn't love him?

I am so in love with my family, I am so blessed and feel so lucky that I have an amazing life partner, Matt.
I am so blessed and feel so proud that I gave Keira her best friend for life.
I am so blessed and feel so proud that I am a mother.

I am a mother of two. I have a daughter and a son. I am proud of both of them and love them both very differently but very much equally.