How could I love another

One of my biggest worries when I was pregnant with James was how I could possibly ever love another child like I love Keira.  I was reassured over and over again by many people who had two or more children that it is, in fact, very possible.

  I tried very hard to believe them and spent many sleepless nights thinking and praying about how I would love this child.

  My cousin Kelly believes one reason I felt this way is because we didn't find out the gender of our baby and I, most likely had a hard time bonding with him/her-I just think she was trying to convince me to find out the sex. She always thinks I am crazy not to.  (I won't find out with my next one either Kelly!!)  

Boy or Girl?

  I am going to be TOTALLY honest here and admit I was very afraid that I might have a boy.  Not only could I never love a second child, but if it were a boy there was definitely no way I could love him like my sweet Keki.
  Again I turned to Kelly, mother of two boys, and confessed my fears.  There was no way I was going to tell anyone else in the world my fears.  (But now I will tell the blogosphere)

Here is what she told me;
1. They aren't born at 3 years old throwing dirt, shooting guns and kicking holes in walls.
2.  Boys love their moms no matter what...girls like their moms a lot but boys love their moms. Always.
3.  She also told me that I would have REALLY cute boys.

Daddy's two favorite girls-or is it three?

  This helped me a bit but I was still a little uneasy.  Adding to my fears was the fact that I felt a ton of pressure to give Keira a sister.  Sisters are the most amazing relationship that God has ever created.  Where would I be today without my sisters?  And here is where I went to my husband.  Matt reassured me by telling me this;

1.  You only have sisters so that is all you know.
2.  A brother/sister relationship is also amazing, possibly more amazing than a sister/sister relationship.
3.  If there is another girl in this house, I am going to leave.
-I want to point out that #3 came after he found both Keira and I on the floor in her room crying.  Keira, because she didn't want to get dressed.  Kim, because Keira wouldn't get dressed.


Fast forward a few months. After another rather difficult pregnancy the doctors decided I would be induced again at 37 weeks.  January 14th.  The weeks leading up to January 14th were nerve-racking, exhausting, itchy, uncomfortable, and sometimes downright scary.

  After the easiest labor and delivery in the history of the world, we welcomed James Thomas into our little family.

I can not begin to explain to you how amazing James is.  I can not begin to tell you how much of a blessing sweet sweet little James has been.  I can not begin to tell you how amazing the brother/sister relationship is.  I cry just thinking about how I could ever doubt my love for my little boy.

My son  

I have a son

I am part of the most exclusive club there is...the "Mommy of Boys club!'  I am a proud member and I am ready to speak at club meetings. I am ready to tour the world and try to explain how amazing it is to be a mother of a little boy.  Better yet, how amazing it is to be a mother of two.  Or even better than that, how amazing it is to be a mother.

"I love my brodder shoooo much"

I eat my words every day when my little Keki tells me we can't leave with out "my brodder James".
 Or when she refuses to let me leave him inside the house while I put her in the car, because we might forget him.
Or when she tells me that "James make my heart sooooooo happy."






I eat my words every day when Matt is holding James and I sneak a quick peek at him and whisper hello to my new man and he responds with a giant toothless grin.  Six weeks old and he can recognize and love me.  SIX WEEKS!
He trusts me and loves me unconditionally, and to think I thought there was a possibility that I couldn't love him?


 I am so in love with my family, I am so blessed and feel so lucky that I have an amazing life partner, Matt.
 I am so blessed and feel so proud that I gave Keira her best friend for life.
 I am so blessed and feel so proud that I am a mother.

I am a mother of two.  I have a daughter and a son.  I am proud of both of them and love them both very differently but very much equally.  

Photo by Gina Lang Photography

I can and do love another, and someday I will love another again...and possibly again.

Welcome Hazel Rose

We would like to welcome Hazel Rose to our family.  

Details to follow!

Keira Kimberly Chapter 4

Keira Kimberly Chapter 4

James Thomas Chapter 1

I can not believe we have arrived at chapter one with Mr. Jamers.  I can not believe it.

It was a Blessed day.

Grandma Karen (Matt's mother) Baptized James yesterday afternoon.  I was obsessively checking the weather to make sure we could still have it outside.  And God delivered!  I don't remember the last time we have had a 80 degree day in October.

James' ceremony was very unique.  What I like about having the children baptized at our home is that we get to decide how the ceremony will go.  We get to choose our pastor, choose our verses, choose our time, choose our clothing, and have it be very intimate. In this case, it was family only.  (Except we were missing a few important people due to my laryngitis...I mean who really wants that as a party favor?!  Not my 94 year old grandma nor my 12 week old niece.)


James is wearing a baptismal gown that my grandfather, his great grandfather, sent home during WWII.  My uncle, my grandparents first child, was born during the war.  I believe he was two years old before he met his father.  Grandpa mimi sent this to grandma while he was in Italy.  All of my aunts and uncles have worn it, many of their children, all of my siblings, and now both of my children.  Needless to say it is very special to me.  

I spent weeks thinking about how I could transform our backyard into an "altar" for his baptism.  Again God delivered with a very beautiful backdrop of Autumn and all I had to do was add the finishing touches!

 







The photo on the left is before and the one on the right is after I had set it all up.

Poor James was woken up for the special occasion, as you can see he is thrilled about it.

 Grandma Karen did a beautiful job of baptizing both of our children. Three years ago she did Keira's and yesterday she followed that up with another stellar performance! It is so special to have someone so close to us perform the ceremony.

Auntie Kara and Auntie Katie are James' godmothers.   The photo at the left shows Katie holding him during his blessing, I LOVE this photo, it brings tears to my eyes.  My sisters are more important to me than anything in the world. I don't know where I would be without them.

 

Likewise, Auntie Kara is equally important to us. She is Matt's older sister and one of his very best friends.  I often look at Keira and James and hope I can raise them to be just like Kara and Matt.  So far, in my opinion, we are doing pretty darn good. See exhibit A just below this.  See exhibit B here.

She genuinely loves her little brother, it always amazes me how much she does.  I didn't realize that sibling love was innate-I thought it had to be taught. You see, I am the youngest so I never had to accept a sibling, I was born into it. Thank you for loving me Krissy and Katie.

And finally-Grandparent love. I know that you love my kids more than you love me but I still don't understand that love.  I know someday I will learn what it feels like to be a grandmother, if I am blessed, but until then I will just take it all in. 

What I can understand it what it feels like to be a mother.  I never knew how much you loved me mom and dad, not until Keira and James entered our lives.  Wow. Just Wow.  Now I appreciate it, I am sorry-but a child never loves their parents like their parents love them. If you disagree with me fine, but I know for a fact that Keira and James will NEVER love me like I love them, and that does not make me sad. It makes me excited for them to feel the love someday, and then in turn, I get to feel that grandparent love that I don't quite yet understand.

 It was a Blessed day, I feel so special that God thinks this highly of me to give me such beautiful children, such an amazing husband, and such loving family.  Thank you God.

I had to include a picture of James Thomas and his twin-Thomas.

James Thomas Anderle

If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.  But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.

James 1:5-6